Things Don't Always Go as Planned

Like this blog, I'm such a fail.

Half a Year and Such!

February 25th, 2011

 

Love this little boy more than life its self!



Relentless

Some days it feels like I'm never going to get break. Bad things just keep happening, throwing themselves in front of me, refusing to be ingored. I'll admit that I'm the first one to tell someone to keep their chin up, it's not always as easy to take your own advice. Some day I'll catch and break, and all the trials and tribulations that I'm going through now will have payed off. I'll be a stronger person for all of this, right? If I keep telling myself it over and over again, I may some day start to believe it.

Life is just so, relentless.



Oh a little baby for the day. :) This is what I wake up to every morning, him peeping over the edge staring at me. Today I woke up to him standing, holding onto the edge of the crib though. Different story, different day!

The Things I Do

Oh the things I do, one of which is not apparently this blog. I've been computerless, which sucks, for weeks now. I've gone through withdrawls, and then gone through them again. As soon as it's back up and running I pinky promise, kiss-of-death, that I'll keep up with this. At least keep up with it as best that I can! Between going to school full-time, taking care of a very active teething 6 month old, I barely have time to breath.

Speaking of school, I'm almost halfway done with this semester! Yes! This means I only have 1.5years left of school, which in my melodramatic mind is, FOREVER! I'm almost tempted to set up a ticker just to remind how much little time is actually left. Then I remember during my pregnancy how that little number changed sooo slowly, I won't do that to my self again. :)

Gavin turned 6 months on the 25th last month. I can't believe my tiny baby boy is half a year old already; where did the time go? He has two teeth coming in on the bottom, is so close to crawling it's ridicules. At this point I think he's just taunting us, "Watch me Mom! Haha. You thought I was going to do it that time didn't you?!". Love him, but he's such a turd. His newest thing is going from a crawling position up onto his head and tip toes. Don't ask me why, I would pay millions to just dip inside that brain for couple seconds to see what he is actually thinking! He also goes from a crawling position to a sittiing position. No idea how he figured that one out either. He was on all fours, I blinked, he was on his butt. Child of mine, please stop growing up so quickly, it's breaking Mommy's heart.

365 Day Challenge: Day One

TBD

It's Brand New

Apparently I'm terrible at keeping up with this, when I lay down at the end of the night I'm always reminding myself to go blog, but I never muster up the energy to do it. I'd rather spend my downtime talking to a fabulous group of ladies I've met and fell in love with than sitting here talking to myself.

Well here's a new year and a new list of goals and what not I would like to meet. I usually end up failing on half on them, but if I didn't try at first then there wasn't ever the possibility of achieving any of them. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself so I don't feel like a total failure. I'm always striving to be a better person and mommy, hopefully that's one goal I don't fail at. School is a big one, I wish I could be done with it this year, there isn't any way that it'll happen though. I have at least two more years, and it's killing me. I just want to be able to support G and I by myself, be able to spend money on him buying useless toys and stuff. I think every mommy should be able to do that, buy things for their child beyond food and diapers. I want to spoil him, I don't think this is to much to ask.

I just realized for the first time today that it's 1/1/11. I love that I'm so random, this blog is so completely random. Filled with useless and uninteresting tidbits of random stuff. Hopefully one day I don't look back and think I was a total moron! Haha.

G's newest thing is grabbing his leg and pulling his foot up to his face to try and eat his feet, it cracks me up. He gets so excited to see me that he screams now, it's seriously amazing. Hes begun to laugh for other people besides me, along with not wanting anyone else but me. Give and take I guess. I told him this year is brand new, just like him. I'm pretty sure he just rolled his eyes at me and said "I'm not brand new mom, I'm four months old." ... What was I thinking, he's a biggy boy now!



New things and such!

G discovered his bottom lip today, better late than never! He's found his feet, his hands, and everything else in between. Just not the one thing right below his nose! He's so funny, he'll suck it in and make so many different noises, It honestly sounds like he's beat boxing. My brother and I were sitting on the couch with him tonight and he was seriously making us laugh so hard we were crying.

 I LOVE IT!!

He laughed last night for the first time, not his little chuckles, a full out belly laugh. It's the best sound I've ever heard in my entire life. I found out today that if we play peek-a-boo he laughs up a storm. Needless to say, we will be playing it quite often. He always tries to pull my hand off of my face while we're playing, like, where did my mom go!? :)

My best friend and I went to Olive Garden tonight, I always forget a bib when I go anywhere, and his shirt always looks like he spilt an entire glass of water down the front of it!

Check out that drool!

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight

It's been a long day and G and I are exhausted. We got to spend his first Christmas with great family, I don't know what I would do without them. Even though a very important person in Gavin's life didn't get to see him today I know that he wishes he could have. We did the best that we could with what we had, and that's good enough for now.

All I could afford to get him for Christmas was The Night Before Christmas by Dr. Suess, it honestly breaks my heart to not be able to buy him everything and anything that I think he deserves. As long as he's happy and healthy I won't complain, especially since that isn't what Christmas is about. I would like to think that someone would understand. I plan on getting him a new Dr. Suess book every year, that can be our "tradition", among other things. I think it's a cute idea, and even though I'm sure as he gets older he wont appreciate it I'll keep up at it, if only because I wish I had something like that to look back on. Hopefully one day when he has children of his own he'll be able to look back and realize what I did for him, and that it was the best I could do for him at that time.

I love you Gavin  Alexander.

Passed out on mommy :)

It was a long day.

(Don't mind the Dreamgirls shirt, it's my pajamas!)

Christmas Eve

So Gavin is asleep and ready for Santa. I thank God every day that he blessed me with such a amazing little boy. He truly is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I don't know what I would do with out him. He completes me. 

You have to hold him up to see
The angel on the Christmas tree.
And even though he's still too small
To know the meaning of it all
You watch his eyes reflect the glow
Of colored lights that come and go
And feel him quiver with delight
At every new and wondrous sight.
There's Santa with his jolly face
Beaming from the fireplace.
And from the stocking hanging there
Peeks a cuddly teddy bear.
Bright ornaments and candy canes --
Musical toy and wooden trains --
There's just no end to the delights
Spread out for him this night of nights!
He points and grins from ear to ear
And then he yawns - his bedtime's near!
You give him a kiss and tuck him away
To rest up for the fun of his first Christmas Day!

Little moments like this

Gavin has been a crying fool for the past two days, he's never like this. He wouldn't stay asleep unless I was holding him and in between all the tears, both of us, I was really starting to get frustrated. As I was trying to get him to fall asleep for the tenth time he looked up at me, spit out his paci, and smiled. It's moments like that, that make me love him even more.

I love you baby boy.

On a completely unrelated note! He rolled over yesterday, front to back, all by himself for the first time. I'm so proud of my baby boy! :)

At the end of the day, he'll still love me

So I want Gavin's first Christmas to be perfect, beyond perfect actually. I know, I know,  he'll only be four months old on Christmas and wont have the faintest recollection of it. That doesn't matter to me! I want him to have everything I had and more, which is sometimes really hard.

I'm so stressed and exhausted with everything going on in my life that I feel like G is missing out on things. I don't talk to him as much anymore, and I don't strive on a daily basis to make sure he reaches all his milestones. I've fallen into my own bad mom category, which I swore I would never do. Don't get me wrong, I interact with the kid all day long, we sit and have ten minute long conversations at various points through out the day. It's just some times when he's talking I just let him talk while I do something else, I've never been one to do that.

Last night my Mom pointed out the fact that I don't pay nearly as much attention to him as I used to while I'm feeding him. I was working on something for school and had him in the crook of my elbow holding the bottle with that hand. Not a easy task considering how wiggly he is! First off Mom, he used to stare at me while I fed him, now he's too busy being nosey and checking out everything in the room to look at me! Second off, I have to get this stuff done, don't make me feel like a ass just because I wasn't staring at him while he was eating.

I tried to justify myself and she just gave me that, you're being a bad mom and you know it look. I promptly closed the laptop, burst into tears, and stormed down to my room with him. He finished eating and I tried to snuggle with him but he didn't want anything to do with it. Whatever I did wasn't good enough for him, I wasn't good enough for him, I didn't feel good enough for anyone. I've never claimed to be perfect, I try my hardest to be the best mom that I can be for that little boy and my mom knows it. It breaks my heart that she would think for even a second that I wasn't paying enough attention to him. I'm doing it all by myself, I don't have has much time or attention sometimes that I would like to give to him but it'll have to do for now. Things don't always go as planned, but none of that matters when it comes down to it.

All that matters is that, at the end of the day, he still loves me

The beginning of something new

Gavin Alexander Bussing was born August 25th, 2010 at 3:15pm.

This is a blog with a little about me, and a lot about him.